i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
