i'm signing you up for texting rehab
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
