also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Randomize
