I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Randomize
