Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
