You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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