The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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