I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
How does it feel to date your dad?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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