I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
