i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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