you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize