Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
