Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize