Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
