when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
