Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
