Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
