That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
