I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
