I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
This beer is not sobering me up at all
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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