Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
