I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize