i would punch a child for taco bell
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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