toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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