Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
