All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
