I wish I could punch you in the face.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
