If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
