dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Randomize
