they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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