At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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