Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
apparently the secret to your success is patron
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
