Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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