oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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