I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
