Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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