pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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