did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
