You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
The power of my boobs compel you
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
