dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
