my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
