Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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