Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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