I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
