He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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