Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
