I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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