How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You dont lie about slip and slides
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
