i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize