Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
