Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
