There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
