My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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