Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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