thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Did you pee in the oven last night??
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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