The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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