Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
