Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Randomize
