Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I'm passing your future prison.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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