I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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