you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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