possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
cat food counts as protein by the way
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
