so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize