Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
