So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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