i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
