If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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