i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
