I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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