I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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