For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
