Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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