Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
