I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
